in My Own Voice, Journey to Healing, Recovering Humanity

The Girl Filled With Wonder, Curiosity, and Really Big Ideas

The years are 1997-2015, there lived a fearless girl. She was filled with wonder, curiosity, and really big ideas. She was attentive to the needs of others and established resources to help meet those needs. She deployed greeters and mentors to welcome new faces into the spaces. She focused spiritual development around the hearts and circumstances of the people. She held unveiling ceremonies where masks were removed. She taught classes, facilitated workshops, curated age-level spaces, care for the sick, needy, and the helpless. She was a resource bank snd community advocate. She was the face of the invisible and the voice of voiceless.

But, in 2016, all of that changed when she became the embodiment of everyone she had encountered over the years. Suddenly, all she had done for others was now needed for herself, but it was not available. Several attempts to curate space led to rejection. Lack of hospitality snd welcoming led to isolation. Ridicule for shining bright led to the veiling of her being. Uncertainty and a lack of clarity with no mentors to guide led to wandering and despair.

The wonder, the curiosity, the big ideas, the light were diminished and dimmed. They were not wanted, appreciated, or valued. They were engaged out of necessity but discarded once the need(s) were met. This bright girl with such a bright spirit became consumed with darkness. Curiosity was replaced with fear. A reimagined being was filled with insecurity. And, her wonder replaced with rejection, shame, and doubt.

Now this bright light sits in a place of despair. A place where every now and then a little light flickers to reignite the wonder. But, it doesn’t last long and rarely does it stick. For life has shown this girl that wonder, curiosity, and really big ideas only matter in a space where they are encouraged and supported.

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