A Letter To My Stylist
Hey Ma’am! How are you? I wanted to reach out and tell you a little more about me.
Ever since I left Atlanta, I was insecure about who I was. I hated the way I physically looked, and I was constantly obsessing over my weight. I never got over the fact that I cut my hair, so I was in a constant state of disappointment, as I kept looking for it to look like it once did. I thought I had to add hair to it, bind it up, and keep it hidden. I thought if I did the sew-ins, it would make me feel better. But, the truth is it was all a facade. I was trying to recreate something that was no longer there, and I was denying the growth and beauty that was already present.
See I did not realize what my long hair meant to me. Initially, I thought it was a sign of vanity. But, turns out the growth of my hair was so much more, for it symbolized the growth of me. That long hair was an outward symbol of my healing within. That long hair was a symbol of all I had endured and overcame between 2010 and 2015. That long hair was a sign that I am more than what me or anyone else may think I am. That long hair was a sign, a covenant, a promise that no matter how bad it may get, there is still more, better, and greater for me.
When I sat in your chair Thursday, I thought I needed to add hair to get the look I desired. I thought I had to change what it looked like and that would change what I felt. But, the truth is, it didn’t change it. It only reminded me of what I gave away. And, I hate it. I hate it because it is not me. I hate it because it hides the real me. And, I most hate it because in putting it in, I am not embracing nor accepting the season my hair is currently in.
My hair has changed. My pattern has changed. And, truth be told, I LOVED the twists! They definitely had to grow on me, but grow on me they did! I wish I would have seen the beauty in the crown I was already wearing. And, embraced her for the glory she is. But, it’s not too late! And, display her I must! Tomorrow I take out the fake! And, will only wear my real!
I THANK YOU for being so patient with me! I know it must drive you crazy for me to ask for one thing and come back and say I don’t like it (no fault of yours. It’s all mine.) But, I really am on a spiritual journey, where every part of my life is being shifted, and that includes my hair! I can’t promise I won’t be a pain in the butt. But, I can promise that it will all be worth it as God continues to heal me… one style at a time!