Mommy, are you Ok?!” was the question she asked, as I laid in the bed while everyone else ate.
“Yes Munchkin. I’m fine.” is how I responded.
“Are you sure?!
“I can tell you’re not fine by the bags under your eyes.”
“Yes. Munchkin. I’m fine.” I responded again.
Knowing what I was saying wasn’t true at all.
But, how do you tell your child you’re sad?
Not just frown face sad but depression sad?
How do you explain what depression is?
How do you tell her “It’s not your fault” every time you yell?
How do you get her to see she did nothing wrong?
How do you get her not to worry and not to be sad herself?
To know this is a part of who I am and not who she is?
Maybe instead of saying “I’m fine” the conversation should go more like this…
“Mommy, are you Ok?”
“No Munchkin. I’m not Ok.
“Mommy is sad, really really sad.
“She struggles with something called depression.
“Depression is a dark shadow that takes away Mommy’s happiness.
“Depression makes it hard for Mommy to see the good in situations and sometimes people.
“Depression makes Mommy want to lay in bed all day.
“And sometimes not eat.
“Depression makes Mommy cry, sometimes for no reason at all.
“Depression causes Mommy to be mean and sometimes says things she doesn’t mean.
“But, one thing depression cannot and will not do,
“Is stop me from loving you!
“So, no. Mommy is not Ok.
“At least not right now.
But, I’m doing the best I can
To make sure that you are.”