Faith and Mental Health, in My Own Voice, Thorn In My Side

Stand or Be Sat Down?!

“But you, gird up your loins; stand up and tell them everything that I command you. Do not break down before them, or I will break you before them.” ~Jeremiah 1:17 NRSV

I don’t know about anybody else, but God and I have a lot of conversations. Because I spend a great deal of time in my journal or in the notes on my phone, our conversations are usually through written words. It is not unusual for me to get a message while I am doing something else. It seems to happen almost instantaneously.

Sometimes, the messages are convictions or inspirations for myself, and sometimes they are inspirations for others. The problem comes when the message is a conviction of others. I do not like those too much, and I generally tend to shy away from them.

I write them, but I do not do much else, especially when it is to an authoritative figure or someone that I do not have the best relationship with. I start to wonder about how they will receive the message, or if they will at all. I think about what they will say to me or what they will think about me. Will they believe the message is from God, or will they deem it a personal attack? Will they receive the message as one in love, or will they deem it an act of malice? There are so many thoughts that race through my head, and more times than not, I do not usually say anything, unless I have no other choice.

But standing up is hard.

Facing the crowd is terrifying.

You see what they did to Jesus?!

Why would I want to experience that??

Why would I post myself up to be a human dart board, a human target?

People are mean!

Not all of them,

But, I’ve encountered some great difficulties when I was hiding in the background,

So, what do you think will happen if I stand up or stand out?

They have so much power.

They are controlling my narrative.

I know I need to say something, but it won’t do any good.

They’ll only think I’m crazy!

They’ll only manipulate what I say.

They’ll take my tears for weakness,

And I’ll leave more bruised than when I came in.

Who wants to go through all of that?!

Why should I go through all of that?!

Can’t I just ignore them and walk away?

Can’t I just turn my back and act like they don’t exist?

Why do I HAVE to say anything?

We don’t need to interact or communicate?

We only need to be able to work together when the time comes.

I don’t want to do it! 😢😥

Tashara,

I hear you, and I feel you.

I know you’ve been hurt.

I know it hasn’t worked in the past.

But, I need you to trust me.

I need you to believe the words I am saying to you.

I need you to know that everything you see, I made.

Everyone you encounter, I formed together.

So, I know who they are and what they are, and I know the same about you.

So, if I am sending you into a space to do some work, know that I know what you are going to face.

Don’t think for a second that I am playing some twisted game with your emotions.

I know how delicate your heart is.

I know how much you care about people.

But, I also know how strong your heart is.

Do not be afraid of them.

And do not worry about them.

You have a job to do.

You have been given an assignment.

And, one of two things will happen…

You will boldly do what I’ve asked you to do,

Or you will be humbled in front of them.

The choice is yours.

You can’t be afraid of them and serve Me.

Choose this day where your loyalties lie.

It’s Me or them?

Who’s it going to be?

Let me put it another way.

It’s either them or you?

You will speak the word to them, or you will be broken before them.

Is them not chastising you greater than Me not chastising you?

Choose ye this day.

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