Faith and Mental Health, in My Own Voice, Journey to Healing

This is Who I Am!

The girl with the puff bun on top of her head

Who sometimes likes to wear curls.

The girl with the cardigans

Who sometimes likes a blazer or two.

I’m not a glam-amazon.

Every picture I take does not look like I stepped out of a photo shoot.

Sometimes my face is a little chubby,

Or the wings on my arms are exposed.

In the past few years, I’ve opened a “bakery”.

Inventory is somewhat low, though.

I guess the ultimate goal could be to close it down,

But I don’t want to spend countless hours in the gym pumping iron or contorting my body in uncomfortable ways.

I’d rather take walks in the park,

Or go dancing on the Xbox.

I’d rather shake my hips to the fast pace of Zumba,

Or overcome challenges on the Wii Sports or Kinect Adventure.

My back is covered in dark marks

Come to be called my leopard spots.

And though I could go to the doctor, have them do a culture, and write me a prescription,

They’re not harming me, so I see no need to make a fuss.

Besides, it’s what adds to my character.

See I’ve spent too many days trying to change how I looked in hopes that I would be more appealing to the eye.

I’ve done the wigs,

And I’ve done the weave.

I’ve done the lashes,

And I’ve done the make-up.

I went to the weight class,

And I did the Weight Watchers, TWICE!

But none of it changed how I felt on the inside.

For it wasn’t the outside that needed improving.

All the money I spent, all the clothes I bought, all the make-up I put on, all the wigs and weaves I tried could not change the fact that I was not the beat face, hair on fleek, waist-snatched girl that so many seem to be.

Don’t get me wrong.

I like to dress up, and I like to get sexy, but that’s not who I am.

I like to get glammed up with the best of them,

But some days I just want to chill.

I like to get all dolled up and put up the best pictures of me to see how many likes I get,

But to do that everyday?

That is exhausting, and I just don’t have the energy.

I want to put up pictures of my family and show the love between my parents and I, my siblings and I, my “babies” and I, and one day, my man and I.

And have over hundreds of likes and many more comments about how cute we are, or how we’re so in love,

But the truth of the matter is that’s not my life.

I love my parents, but we are not overly affectionate, so you are lucky if you get us smiling in the same picture (LOL),

And I’m building a relationship with my biological father, so there won’t be a lot of pictures of that.

My siblings are the BEST in the world, but the ones I grew up with are CERTIFIABLY crazy, and I’m just getting to know my other set.

My daughter is OUT OF THIS WORLD AMAZING,

But her BIG personality often takes over WHATEVER we are supposed to be doing,

So it usually becomes about her rather than us.

I don’t know where my niece came from but that child is the EPITOME of a sour patch kid! LOL!

She loves you real hard, but will give you just as big of a fit!

And my third baby, my little cousin, really means well and has a HUGE heart,

But when she has made up her mind, that is it!

She is STUBBORN AS A MULE, and she ain’t budging.

And the three of them together, MY GOD GLORY IN HEAVEN!!! The world is not ready!

I don’t have a man that I can call my own

Well because he’s really giving and likes to share his love with others. Lol!

His intentions are good, and it’s not his desire to hurt anyone.

He just has a hard time settling for one.

But, when your line name is Casanova… Well, enough said! Lol!

I don’t have the perfect life.

And, I don’t have a picturesque story.

But, what I have is mine,

And it makes me who I am!

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